I have mentioned before about my clot in my leg. I have been to the Doctor twice about it and have been doing Physical Therapy for the last three weeks, with no improvement and now need to go back to the Dr to see what other options I may have.
I bring this up because I ran across this today. I don't know why I felt drawn to click on a link to a site I had never visited before, and then was drawn to a post they had recently put up about this site. I just know that there was something leading me toward this blog. It literally scares the He(double hockey sticks) out of me. I read this page and cried and cried. I feel so very sad for their family and that someone so young lost her beautiful life. I admire their strength and the love of their family and faith. I know they are doing well getting through this pain and seeing the new miracles in everyday life.
I have been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. I know my leg is not getting better, and I know that I can have re-occuring clots since I have this one. I don't know what caused it or why I got it. All I know is that it can in some cases lead to a Deep Vein Thrombosis. These often break off and travel to the lungs causing a Pulmonary Embolism. Which in many cases is fatal.
In the last month, I have known of 2 people in our small little town who have died young of these conditions. It is all around me and then today as I was drawn to this site, it really struck home. I am so fearful of leaving my kids behind and not being here to watch them and guide them as they grow up. My oldest has so many issues from the drugs his birth mom did while she was pregnant with him and I know my husband doesn't have the patience or the time that is required to help him get through each and every day. I worry that if something should happen to me that he won't be the best person he could be. I worry about how it will effect my other two kids, who also have issues that are starting to show up as they get older from said birth mom's same bad choices. It literally scares me to no end. I am trying so hard to think positively and think that it won't happen to me, but what if it does? Who will help raise my kids? What will their lives be? Who will care for them as I do each day, not that I don't make bad choices in their care and am not always as patient as I should be, but I try so very hard to make their lives wonderful and help them be the best they can be. Who will guide and teach them and love them as I do? I have prayed so very much today and keep praying that this (for lack of a better term)burden will be lifted from me. I pray that whatever the outcome is, that my kids will be ok. That God will look over them and help them.
I am not loathing in self pity, nor am I am trying to draw attention toward myself. I am just putting this on my blog to try and lift some of the pain it is causing me right now. I don't want to think about these things. I don't want to fear something happening to me. I want to live my life to the fullest and share each day with my kids and enjoy what borrowed time I have left on this earth. I want to make each day special and memorable for me and my family. But with this cloud lurking above my head. I am finding it very hard to do. So all I ask is that if you read this. To please say a little prayer for my family and for me to get past this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Sandy, you are doing the best thing you can right now. The Lord will help you. I have had these same fears going over the past few months too. I promise you as you pray for strength you will get it. I will pray for you too. It's so true that God will never give us more than we can handle. When I have felt near the end of my rope I could feel the Savior pick me up and carry me. I have never felt Him so close before. It's like a warm blanket would wrap around me. Trials in our lives truly turn up His voice in our lives. I know without my recent trials we wouldn't be adopting because my husband had tremendous doubts. Maybe you and your sweet family are being prepared for something. Please email(jorij@hotmail.com) me if I can help in anyway. Hang in there. I will defintely be praying for you. Remember miracles happen. I can tell you are a wonderful person. I know the Lord loves you and is mindful of you. He will help you through this.
aww, sandy. i'm so sorry. i really believe that worry is the devil's tool to keep us from having faith and finding peace. i will pray for you for sure, and YOU keep praying for you, too. the Lord will bear all of our burdens, if we'll turn them over to Him. i hope you find the answers you need to get better...
Sandy, my heart goes out to you. I remember the story you wrote on your blog about how your third child came in to your life. And it was such a sweet and touching story about the Lord's hand in his and your life. I can tell you without a doubt that the Lord is still mindful of you and knows the worries of your heart. He loves you and your family. Keep praying. I will pray for you also. *Hugs*
Sandy, I hope the clot improves soon. Do you have more testing/treatment in your future for it?
We had this big talk too when I was pregnant with Ella and it was a very hard discussion to have. Bob is gone a lot for work and I have no idea what he would do short of moving his mom in or hiring an au pair if something happened to me. It is scary and crazy to consider our mortality, isn't it? Since Hannah died I really do realize that each and every day is a gift and shouldn't be taken for granted.
Hugs to you. I hope things with your health work out soon. Hang in there.
P.S. - You have been tagged, details on my blog!
Oh, Sandy. My heart is hurting for you right now. I agree 100% with the above comments about prayer. Do keep praying because I know your prayers are heard -- and they will be answered. You just need to do everything in your power to do and then let the Lord take it from there. You need to be able to feel some peace -- and it will happen. I too will have you in my prayers.
Post a Comment