Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

With all that's going on with the FIL and attending my aunts funeral, now we have to add a very sick three year old to the mix. Isaiah has thrown up no fewer than eight times in the last 24 hours and has had poop from his feet to his hair on more than one occasion! Yuck. My poor baby has the flu I fear!
Then Friday Trevor got sent the principals office twice for bad behavior at Kindergarten, this is the first time he has acted up in school! I received two letters in the mail today from his school, stating if he returns to the office once more before the 12th of Dec. he will lose recess privileges. The child is ADHD and needs his outdoor time. I have talked to him repeatedly but not sure if it's sinking in. He has had so much on his plate lately as the rest of us have had. It's funny how it affects kids also, when you don't think they understand what's going on. They really do! Lord help us!

Sheesh..I need a pity party..haha. Sorry if it sounds like I am so down and complaining, I am not really. Just venting so I don't implode..lol.

Living through trials

I have often heard the quote, "If he brings you to it, he will bring you through it!" I know God is helping us through our trials in life and if we have faith in him and believe that anything is possible, he will help us through even the roughest of times.

Although I know this in my heart, it is so hard sometimes to keep the faith and think that things will get better. Especially on days like this past Saturday night and Sunday morning. My father in law came home from the hospital on Thursday at noon after being there for a month with acute Pancreatitus. He has lost complete function of his pancreas and the illness shut down his kidneys. So he has to go three times a week for dialysis since they aren't functioning. Since the pancreas produces all your gastric enzymes and your bodies insulin, he has to take enzyme supplements before each meal and insulin shots at each meal to keep him going. It is a really bad situation. Well he was home 2 days when Saturday he got really ill and went into a diabetic coma and was taken by ambulance back to the hospital, he pulled through after a really rough night and just as we heard that they had stabilized him, the phone rang and it was my mom, her sister(my aunt)had just died of a massive heart attack. She was only 49 years old. Such tragedy. It is times like these when it is hard to see the light. How much can one person take and keep functioning? We still aren't sure my FIL will pull through and make it home again. I have to be strong, I have to keep faith in the Lord, but it is so hard sometimes!

Giving Thanks!

This year I want to give special thanks that my Father in Law is still here with us to celebrate another holiday with his family. He has been in the hospital for the last 29 days with acute Pancreatitis, after beating the odds, they only gave him a 25% chance of survival, he will come home from the hospital tomorrow on Thanksgiving day!! What a blessing to our family! It has been a very rough month for all of us!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and may your day be filled with the love and company of family and friends.

There is hope in the future!

I hope everyone was able to get out and vote. I know it made me feel as though I was doing something for my country that I love so much.

Even though last night had some disappointments, it was also filled with hope. Our country is in a terrible mess right now and we need someone running our country that can help us out of the whole we have been dug into. No matter who we voted for, or for what reasons. We all have to pull together and support our new president and pray that he can help our country recover.

It warmed my heart to watch McCain's speech last night as he asked us all to pull together and support Obama. He was so very genuine and so graceful. He had just lost a historic election, yet he didn't want to wallow in his disappointment, he encouraged us to believe in our future leader and band together to make the US a better place. It was an amazing speech! I see hope in our future!!

Political Jargin ahead, proceed with open mind!

I try not to express my political views or choices on here, as the subject can be so very touchy. But I was sent this video by a friend and it is just to good not to share. Please take four minutes and watch this. It might make a difference in our country!


Awesome video here

Pumpkin Patch Fun!

We visited Granny Mae's pumpkin patch a couple of weekends ago and had such a blast. The kids really enjoyed the hay rack ride through Scarecrow meadow and the Haunted Forest they have. They also enjoyed the Corn maze and Baley Park(A park made from big round Hay Bales) and the train ride.

My Nephew Orion joined us for the fun, as well as my mom and dad. It was a very fun and full day. The kids each picked out their Pumpkins to take home to carve and have been begging to carve them every since, but we are waiting until right before Halloween to carve them, so they won't start shriveling up and looking icky before the big spook night.

Here are a few of the 100+ pics that were taken at the Patch.

Happy Birthday Baby!

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A certain little blond haired blue eyed boy turned three today! Isn't he the cutest little guy? Those mesmerizing blue eyes keep him out of a lot of trouble..lol. He has officially hit the terrible two's just in time to move on the ever trying three's. Watch out world!!

Oh how this little guy brightens each of my days, even through his orneriness. I couldn't imagine life without this little darling, I also can't believe my last baby has turned three, booohooo. I am so going to miss having a baby in the house.

Happy Birthday Bug, We love you so much!! May three be the best year so far!

Catchin up again

School is in full swing and although it nearly broke my heart to see him walk up the steps and be one of the smallest kids in the building, Trevor is in Kindergarten and LOVING every minute of it. He is so cheerful and ready each morning to get up and get ready for school. He has made so many friends already and talks about several of them all the time. It must be me wanting to hold on to tight that led me to fear the worst out of this big step in his life. I was afraid he wouldn't make friends easily and that his sometimes aggressive behavior would rear it's ugly head immediately. Thank goodness it was just a fear in my mind and it hasn't come to light.



It was adorable yesterday morning when I dropped him off at school, we were walking up the front steps when Abby, a little girl in his class was getting out of her car, she called out "Trevor, Wait, I want to walk in with you" he waited for her and took her hand in his and they walked into the school holding hands...ohhh my heart! It was so very sweet!

Kaylee is loving her second year of preschool as well and I am so very happy that I chose to send her both years. She has made so many friends and has grown such a personality. She, just like Trevor, has such a thurst for knowledge and they retain like a sponge. They both are such intelligient little ones. Without preschool I fear they would have been bored beyond words.



Kaylee is also playing soccer this fall along with several kids from her class. She loves it. Her first game will be this Saturday, we shall see how it goes..lol.

Things continue to be extremely busy around here. It seems that with school starting, it has gotten even more chaotic. I joined Cub-backers, which is a parent group for the grade school and there is so much to do with it. I also was nominated to sit on the Policy Council of Kaylee's preschool for a second year. Getting busy with that as well. Along with soccer and the normal appt's they all have, along with home and Isaiah, it doesn't leave a lot of time for things I would like to do. Even through all the busyness and the constant checking of the schedule, I wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. My life is truly blessed!

I finally got a diagnosis for my leg, after seeing several specialists and going through tons of treatments and countless tests. It is Chronic Venous Stasis. The valves in some of my veins in my lower right leg have malfunctioned, allowing blood to flow into the leg, but the valve closes and does not allow it to flow back up the leg, causing it to pool in the leg and causing pain and swelling. There isn't anything they can really do for it, other than surgically taking the veins out. But they said mine aren't severe enough to take out right now. I have an appointment next week with a dermatologist who is going to biopsy the spot and make sure there aren't any cancer cells in it and then do some treatment with creams for the itching it causes and I will probably have to wear a TED(compression) hose on that leg for a while, maybe forever, depending on how it goes! It will push the blood out of my leg to keep it from pooling. It's a pretty common thing, although I had never heard of it. I must have injured my leg sometime and didn't realize it to cause the damage to the veins. Or else it is from varicose veins, although it really doesn't appear that I have them. Who knows.

Fall is showing up all around us, the weather has been delightfully cool for almost a month now and the trees are starting to turn orange and red. I am so in love with fall!!! What a beautiful time of the year.


Whewww..that was a long post. Sorry for the length.

Is this really August?

Wow...time has completely gotten away from me this last month. With school coming up quickly and so many other things going on in life, I haven't been able to keep up with my posting. I am not liking it either..lol.

School should have been starting next week here, but they are renovating and adding on to both the grade school and Jr/Sr. high school. The work has taken longer than expected, so they have pushed school starting back to Sept. 2. It is totally fine with me also, as I am so not ready for Trevor to be in Grade school, is he ready? Yes. Is he excited? Yes. Is mom being anxious over nothing? Probably, but heck, he is my first one to start grade school and the fact that he is already five and I have been a parent for over five years, is amazing to me. Where has the time gone?



We had our county fair late last month and I entered Isaiah in the baby contest, while we were waiting for our age bracket, Trevor found a mud puddle and as I was telling him to stay away from it, he dove in. Since he was already soaking wet and messy, I decided it wasn't going to kill him to splash in the icky water and have a grand old time. He did just that. I got about a million dirty looks, but he wasn't hurting or bothering anyone. He splashed and ran and stayed in the mud. Needless to say he got a really good scrub down in the shower.

I lived through the dirty looks and evil glares, so no harm done!

Other than staying really busy with the kids, we have had some issues with my mom and her health, so I have been doing a lot of traveling and helping out where I can. She lives an hour and half away, so it has been kinda been crazy on the family with me gone so much and them spending more time with daddy and away from home when I take them down there with me.

Life seems to just be clipping right along. I know I am going to miss this crazy chaos one day, but for now, I could use a little slow down.

Oh My Heart

I love this boy so dearly. Even through our daily challenges, him with his ADHD and Sensory Integration Disorder and me having to find new ways to be a patient Mom and help him become a little man, He is the most loving, caring boy I know.

I was drying him off after bath tonight and he looked up at me with his vibrant loving brown eyes and said, "Mommy, I want to live in your heart forever" I replied, "Buddy, you will forever live in my heart", he then gave me a hug and said, "Thanks Mom". Moments like these make it all worth the challenges we face each day. I am so in love with my brown eyed boy!

Where do they get this stuff?

Princess Birthday Fun!

I am a little behind here seeing as Kaylee's fourth Birthday was a week ago Saturday! We have been very busy lately with Wheat harvest and birthdays and other family stuff..but on with the birthday fun!

Kaylee chose a princess birthday party this year. We had chocolate cupcakes with butter creme frosting and chunky chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream..yum! We invited a couple of her friends from preschool and my best friend from Hutch came with her little girl Carlee who is 3. We had so much fun. We made princess tiara's and sand bracelets and the girls had a blast playing dress up. It was fun for all! Even Christel and I had a blast making our Tiara's and spending girlie time with our little princess's. We then had a girls afternoon and went shopping and to eat at Los Potrillos a favorite Mexican restaurant of ours. We then had ice cream at Baskin Robins, as Christel was craving Chocolate Peanut butter on a sugar cone, she hasn't had one in years since they closed their Baskin Robins at home. It was a fun day! I will forever remember the fun I had with my girlie girl! Hope that being four will be the best so far! Love you baby!

Happy Independance Day

Tote Giveaway

Go on over to Just Another Hang Up and sign up for this beautiful awesome tote bag she is giving away. There are also several for sale, what pretty bags she makes! Thanks Mia for the heads up!



Hurry, you have until July 6th to get a chance to win!

Help Please!

Do any of you fabulous ladies out there know where I can find a great online course about digital photography? I want to learn more about all the special features my SLR can do, but I need some help to understand it all.

Any suggestions? I would appreciate any input.

Thank you!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

I can't believe you are four years old already. Love you!

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Shaving Cream

Squirt some on the shower walls and let the fun begin. My kids would play with this stuff for hours.

Our newest addition to the family!

Trevor got a frog habitat for his Birthday, the boy LOVES toads, bugs, worms all that kind of icky stuff, he is such a boy. So I knew he would love this. And he does! We went Saturday evening and he got to pick out his new pet. It is a Fire Bellied Toad. It's about 2 inches long and has the brightest red markings on it's underside, very pretty color.

I was sitting here on the computer the other evening after everyone else was in bed doing some research and I heard this sound that sounded like a dog barking at a distance, I got up and checked on the kids who were all fast asleep and then followed the sound, it was the frog! I guess it is male and when they are ready to mate they make this sound. Nice! The worst part of the whole thing is feeding it live crickets. I let Trevor do it, as he is not afraid to pick them up. I on the other hand, about freaked when one got away from him. They are very small crickets and a light brown color, so it was hard to see on the brown carpet. But we found it, thank goodness!

So now we share our humble abode with a toad. Toby the toad to be precise!

Yo ho Yo Ho a Pirates Life for Me!

Trevor had a fabulous 5th Birthday. We started the day with a gift, which was a scooter. He LOVED it. After we got around I asked him where he would like to eat lunch for his big day, of course he chose Burger King, as he LOVES their play place. So off we went to BK. We played for about an hour until lunch time and then ate and played some more. Next we stopped off at Target and got a few things we needed, since we had driven 30 miles to BK we figured we should at least get a couple of stops done. Blasted gas prices.

Anywho, after that it was off to the mall to ride the train and check out the aquariums they have there. By then it was nap time and we headed home for nap. After nap we enjoyed a quite dinner and playtime. He had a great day! The next day was Saturday, his party day. What fun he had at that also. He is in love with pirate's, so a a pirate theme we had. Don't I have the cutest Pirate's you ever saw? :).

The kids had a blast and you should have seen Trevor behead the Pirate Pinata. He sent that sucker sailing. We cleaned up and played outside in the bounce house the rest of the afternoon. The next day, Sunday was his party with his granparents..I know..we stretched it out to far this year. He was thrilled that he got presents for three days. I think he must have told 100 people that it was his Birthday. It was so cute, at Target, he told the cashier that he went to bed and he was four and he woke up Five! It was so cute. That boy! It was a great weekend and we are gearing up for Kaylee's fourth birthday, which is this Saturday. A princess party is in the making. She loves herself some princess's.

I can't believe my baby boy is five and my baby girl is going to be four. Where have the years gone??

Happy Birthday Buddy! June, 20th!

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If it's to be, it's up to ME!

Photo via flickr.

This post is just some thoughts for me to make me accountable. So read if you like. Skip if you wish!

I watched a movie last night and it really made me ponder my own life and how it is much like the girls in the movie. I have struggled with weight issues since I was little. My mom always over fed my brother and I for the simple fact that when she was growing up, there were 8 kids and my grandfather was an alcoholic who always spent all his money on beer and never on food. She went hungry more than she ever had food available to her. She even got deathly ill one time from eating a piece of chicken that someone had thrown away and she found. She worked hard to make sure us kids never ever went to bed hungry. In fact, she still always pushes food to my kids and nephews. She doesn't ever want anyone to feel the pain of going without needed nourishment. It's just her way!

I know she never intended this to cause pain to me, but it has. I ate when she offered to please her and to not waste, as there were so many doing without. I know that I am an adult now and I have the option of eating and I don't blame my mother for my fatness. I just think it wouldn't have been such an issue if I had started life with different eating habits. Again, it is not my intention to imply it is my mom's fault, because it is my own fault.

I was ALWAYS the "fat kid" of the class and was made fun of so very much during my life. It still hurts to think of some of the things I endured while in school. I wished so very much for acceptance as the beautiful person I knew I was inside and for friends who were not afraid to have a friend like me. I was so shy and standoffish because of the fear of rejection. I was never proud of anything I accomplished because I didn't want any kind of recognition that would draw attention to myself. I was walking through life with an inner hatred of myself that was heavily influenced by the constant ridicule and snide remarks that I faced.

I then turned to food as my comfort. It made me feel good for that short moment that I indulged in it. After word I never felt good, which then led to more self pity eating. I had(have) no self esteem and finally hid behind my own comfort zone. I didn't want to go anywhere because of fear of being made fun of.

I finally decided I didn't like being locked away and afraid to do things because of my size. I was missing out on so much in life. I wasn't living. I started trying to lose weight, but without help or support, I failed miserably. But I kept trying. I kept getting out and doing the things I loved and I got over some of my issues. I was still heavy but was a little more confident. I found a friend who was battling issues herself with weight. Hers were with gaining weight. She was terribly skinny and she still struggles with her weight today also. Her and I are still best friends and without her, I don't think I would have survived high school. I did lose some weight. But have gained it all back. I know I am heavy and am finally ready to try and make a lifestyle change. I don't like who I am and know that I would feel so much better about myself if I would drop all the excess weight. My heart hurts for my kids because I don't ever want them to go through what I had to. I don't want them to be made fun of because their mom is fat. I don't want them to hide in shame because they are embarrassed by me. I want them to be confident and walk with their head up, I want them to know they are beautiful and handsome and carry themselves as such. I don't want them to be conceited or go over board by any means. But I don't want them to ever be shameful. As my mother did me, I want them to have a better life than I did. I want the world for them. And to give them that, I need to be more healthy and confident. I am vowing to change myself. Even through baby steps I know I can do it. So today I truly start living.

This is my confession and acceptance of my problem. I will reflect on it and the emotion behind it when I need help to carry on and change myself for the better. If you are still reading, thank you.

Happy Father's Day!

To my dad, who I adore and love so very dearly. He worked so hard all his life so that my brother and I would never have to go without anything we needed or most of what we wanted. He gave us so very much more than he had as a child and provided a loving and happy home for us! I adore the love that he has for his family and most of all his grandkids. I admire you so much dad and thank you for making such an impact on my life and sharing your loving ways!


And to the man I love so very much and who is a wonderful father to our three kids. He has sacrificed so very much to provide a living for our family so that I can be home with our kids everyday. He has put so very much hard work into the farm so that when the kids are older and if they wish to farm themselves, they won't have to struggle as he and his dad have had to do. He loves his kids so very dearly and is so very loving and caring. I couldn't have found a better man to spend my life with. I am truly blessed!

Gotta love Kansas!

We are currently under a high wind advisory, Severe Thunderstorm warning, Tornado Watch and flash flood warning! Oh if it weren't for the farm, I would be so done with this state!

Slip sliding away

We got a slip n slide today and hooked it right up to the hose. The kids had a BLAST playing in the water. Of course they didn't quite get the whole concept of sliding down on their tummies. Isaiah spent most of his time in the splash pool at the end, splish splashing away. The other two were having fun just running up and down the runner under the tunnel of water, but it was fun anyway. What better way to spend a sunny 92 degree day?

I can see this becoming one of our favorite summer activities. It is so much easier than the pool..lol.

Riding with Barbie

Some adorable little three year old I know, who is about to be four, has her heart set on this bike for her birthday. She wouldn't know who Barbie was yet if it weren't for Nick and Cartoon Network advertising this bike all the time. :).

Who am I to break her little heart? It will be securely concealed in the garage for the next 26 days. :)

34 Things about Sandy

I got this from the lovely and talented Jori over at Hi There Cupcake, thought I would play along!

34 questions and their one word answers.

1. Your cell phone? ............................. Alltel
2. Your significant other?....................... Thomas
3. Your hair?.................................... annoying
4. Your mother? ................................. nurturing
5. Your father?.................................. hilarious
6. Your favorite thing?.......................... sanity
7. Your dream last night?........................ weird
8. Your favorite drink........................... water
9. Your dream/goal?.............................. healthy
10. The room you're in?.......................... cluttered
11. Your children?............................... amazing
12. Your fear?................................... dying
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years........... here
14. Where were you last night?................... home
15. What you're not?............................. thin
16. Muffins...................................... blueberry
17. One of your wish list items?................. ipod
18. Where you grew up?........................... Hutchinson
19. What you read last........................... educational
20. What are you wearing?........................ capri's
21. Your TV?..................................... old
22. Your pets?................................... none
23. Your computer? .............................. addictive
24. Your life?................................... blessed
25. Your mood?................................... happy
26. Missing someone?............................. yes
27. Your car?.................................... pontiac
28. Something you're not wearing?................ shoes
29. Favorite Store?.............................. Target
30. Your summer?................................. hot
31. Like someone?................................ always
32. Your favorite color?......................... pink
33. Last time you laughed........................ today
34. Last time you cried?......................... Thursday

Feel free to play along, I would love to read your answers! Thanks Jori.

Making me Happy

I LOVE LOVE LOVE gardening, well flower gardening anyhow. It makes me so very happy to plant beautiful flowers and take care of them and watch them grow and bloom. It is almost a sickness though, as I can't stop myself from buying more and more and then I have to container grow them because my husband doesn't want flower beds all over the yard..darn him anyhow..lol. I walked out on the deck today and these lovelies are what greeted me. It made me smile and feel so very happy. I thought I would share a few of them with you all. All of these grace my front deck or flower bed below the front windows. I love them.

Now if I could only find a way to keep the kids from picking all of them..ho hum.

Preschool Pictures

Photo's by Eldon Clark Photography

Wanted to share the kids Preschool pictures which we just got back. Adorable, no? :) Kaylee could have smiled some, but she is showing her attitude which she likes to throw around more than I care to see it, so it is a very fitting image for her. lol.

Oh and just cause someone asked me once why my four year old has a missing front tooth(we aren't that redneck here), he fell last summer at a playground and hit his tooth on the ladder to the slide and broke it off, it wasn't able to be saved so they pulled what was left of it. He didn't need a false tooth put in because it was not a spacer tooth. So just in case you wondered! His permanent tooth should come in fine they have assured me.

The Rainbow after the storm..

We have had a very stormy last five days here in my part of Kansas. It has been both scary and breathtaking. This rainbow appeared out our back door on Monday evening. Trevor was actually the first one to spot it and then as we inspected it closer, we noticed there was a very faint double rainbow. How beautiful. I wasn't able to get the upper one to show up in my pictures. But we could easily see both ends of the rainbow. It really excited the kids.

It is funny how we can go from hail and down pouring rain to a beautiful double rainbow. Isn't it just amazing what mother nature brings us? We seem to take for granted all the beauty in the world and get caught up in our busy lives. It was such a joy to lay back and enjoy this beautiful piece of nature with my kids. You would have thought I had given them a sucker or bag of M&M"s. lol. Oh how I love my three little darlings!!

Kiddo Tag

I was tagged by Jess!

Here we go:

If you have been tagged, just copy and paste the rules and the questions onto your own blog or post. Then delete answers, and insert the ones you think your child/children would choose. At the end of the post tag 5 others and then let them know they have been tagged.

1.) My name(s) is/are: Trevor Nathaniel, Kaylee Rose, Isaiah Thomas(I couldn't chose just one!)

2.) My first word was: Mama, Dada, book

3.) My favorite food right now is: PB and Jelly sandwich, Peas, Anything that doesn't eat him first.

4.) My favorite song is: Anything by Choo Choo Soul, Going on a bear hunt, Twinkle little star

5.) My car seat color is: Gray and black, Tan and black, Black w/yellow piping

6.) My room color is: Blue and sun yellow, Pale pink and soft green, Blue and sun yellow

7.) I love to use this kind of shampoo: Paul Mitchell's Tea tree Lemon Sage

8.) The thing that can make me the maddest is: Someone not listening to him, Telling her no, depends on the day for him

9.) My favorite person right now is: Mommy (!!!)

10.) I like to read this book over and over and over: Rub A Dub Sub by Linda Ashman, Fancy Nancy books By Jane O'Connor, Thomas and Friends, Engines & Animals by Rev. W. Awdry

11.) My brand of diapers is:Potty trained, Day trained and pull ups at night, Huggies

12.) The cutest thing I say is: Ungerware(for underwear), cowdiotie(Coyote), uv u mamma

13.) My favorite fruit is: Apples, Watermelon, Grapes

14.) When I get hurt I want: A kiss band aids and a smarties, a kiss band aid and ice, a kiss hugs and lots of love

15.) I mostly ride around in a: Pontiac SV6 Montana

16.) I go to bed at: 8:30 PM all three

17.) I wake up at: 7, 8-9, 7

18.) My naptime during the day is: from 2-4, no longer naps, from 2-4:30

19.) My most favorite thing to do is: play outside, play dress up, play outside

20.) My favorite show/movie is: Curious George, Strawberry Shortcake, anything with music so he can dance, other than that he doesn't watch much tv

OK, now I tag:

Natalie, Jori, Mia and whoever might want to play along

Being scared...

I have mentioned before about my clot in my leg. I have been to the Doctor twice about it and have been doing Physical Therapy for the last three weeks, with no improvement and now need to go back to the Dr to see what other options I may have.
I bring this up because I ran across this today. I don't know why I felt drawn to click on a link to a site I had never visited before, and then was drawn to a post they had recently put up about this site. I just know that there was something leading me toward this blog. It literally scares the He(double hockey sticks) out of me. I read this page and cried and cried. I feel so very sad for their family and that someone so young lost her beautiful life. I admire their strength and the love of their family and faith. I know they are doing well getting through this pain and seeing the new miracles in everyday life.

I have been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. I know my leg is not getting better, and I know that I can have re-occuring clots since I have this one. I don't know what caused it or why I got it. All I know is that it can in some cases lead to a Deep Vein Thrombosis. These often break off and travel to the lungs causing a Pulmonary Embolism. Which in many cases is fatal.

In the last month, I have known of 2 people in our small little town who have died young of these conditions. It is all around me and then today as I was drawn to this site, it really struck home. I am so fearful of leaving my kids behind and not being here to watch them and guide them as they grow up. My oldest has so many issues from the drugs his birth mom did while she was pregnant with him and I know my husband doesn't have the patience or the time that is required to help him get through each and every day. I worry that if something should happen to me that he won't be the best person he could be. I worry about how it will effect my other two kids, who also have issues that are starting to show up as they get older from said birth mom's same bad choices. It literally scares me to no end. I am trying so hard to think positively and think that it won't happen to me, but what if it does? Who will help raise my kids? What will their lives be? Who will care for them as I do each day, not that I don't make bad choices in their care and am not always as patient as I should be, but I try so very hard to make their lives wonderful and help them be the best they can be. Who will guide and teach them and love them as I do? I have prayed so very much today and keep praying that this (for lack of a better term)burden will be lifted from me. I pray that whatever the outcome is, that my kids will be ok. That God will look over them and help them.

I am not loathing in self pity, nor am I am trying to draw attention toward myself. I am just putting this on my blog to try and lift some of the pain it is causing me right now. I don't want to think about these things. I don't want to fear something happening to me. I want to live my life to the fullest and share each day with my kids and enjoy what borrowed time I have left on this earth. I want to make each day special and memorable for me and my family. But with this cloud lurking above my head. I am finding it very hard to do. So all I ask is that if you read this. To please say a little prayer for my family and for me to get past this.

Who in their Right mind....

I love love love this bag. But I would NEVER and I mean NEVER pay $1360.00 for a bag that I was only going to use one season. If you so wish to purchase it for me for a nice gift..you can find it here. haha.

I love a kid who's not afraid to Play!

Even if he is 6'6" and in his thirties!

We had a wonderful time on Mother's day. The kids really got their play on at the playground at the lake. We spent the day in the beautiful sunshiny weather. Me, my kids and the man I love, couldn't have been any better!

Thankful Thursday

So much to be Thankful for. I will try and keep the list short.

1. Beautiful Weather. It really is good mental medicine to be able to be outside and breath in the crisp fresh air.

2. Physical Therapists. I have had such an issue with this blood clot in my leg and the PT that I am doing three times a week has been such a pain reliever. Who knew Electro Stimulation would help so much with pain.

3. Getting over a Funk. I truly hate when I don't feel good mentally and physically. It really gets me and everyone around me out of sorts.

4. My Mother in Law. She goes above and beyond to help out when needed and she is truly a blessing to me.

5. My husband. He works so very hard for our family so that I can stay home with the kids and not miss out on the everyday things in life. He never complains about anything and is always so supportive.

6. My mother. We almost lost her in 2006 to a blood clot that went to her brain and caused her to have a stroke at 53. I thank God everyday that she was in the right places at the right time to get the treatment she needed to minimize the damages it did. She was so very fortunate.

7. Mother's day. More so, the fact that I get to celebrate Mother's day not only as a daughter, but as a mother to three beautiful miracles in my life.

Thank you Tiburon for reminding us to find the good in our lives each week. It could be so easy to fall into a pattern of whoa's me, Instead of being thankful for all the good.

Out of the Slump

Ever get in a slump when life is just so busy you really don't have time to get anything you love done and then when you do have the time to do the things you really love you don't feel much like doing them? I have been in one of those slumps lately. I don't know what it is. Just didn't feel much like being on the computer, or even blogging..gasp. Something I really love to do.

But the fog has lifted and I am ready to go. Beware..haha.

Here are some pics we took of a trip to the county lake a few days ago. Isn't it just heartwarming and adorable to see new life? There were several Canadian Geese who had new little babies. My kids loved seeing all of them.



The kids only have 6 more class days of preschool left and then summer break begins. I am having a really really hard time with the fact that Trevor is going to be starting Kindergarten this fall. My baby shouldn't be almost five already..boohooo. Time just goes entirely to fast. Anyone else have a really hard time when their oldest started grade school? Or I am just the crazy lady?

Spring is finally back around here and the last couple of days have been beautiful. We have spent as much time as possible outside and it has been lovely. We even planted a new Crabapple tree and I planted a new flower bed full of beautiful flowers. It makes the soul feel so great to walk outside and see the beautiful vibrant colors of flowers.

Peace in one's beliefs..

What a beautiful weekend we had. It was very busy, but so full of wonderful things.

My eight year old nephew Orion had his first Communion. It was a wonderful ceremony and it felt so great to see him so proud of his love for his religion and to take the next step into accepting a life of Christ. My brother(his father) just finished Catacism and was baptized into their Catholic Church last month and it was a blessing to see him go from not truly believing in God to giving himself completely to Christ.





There were 21 kids in Orion's class who took their first communion and it was so great to witness. As I have said before, I am still trying to find the religion that I feel most comfortable and believe the most in, so to see the rest of my family find their calling it is such a blessing, but at the same time kind of frustrating, as I have yet to find the beliefs that seem right for me and my family.

On Sunday afternoon my parent's and older nephew Bishop, came to visit us and we went to the state lake here and fished for a while and enjoyed the beautiful weather. While we were there we saw tons of geese with babies and a few pelicans that were nesting. It was so lovely to be out in the sunshine and warmer weather watching all the new things popping up with Spring upon us. I left home without my camera that day and was so upset with myself because I found so many interesting things that I would have loved to photograph. We saw a log sticking out of the water and there were 16 turtles sunning themselves on the log. I had never seen that many turtles in spot before. It was neat. The afternoon ended with a short drive through the country and a peak at the new baby calves we have. We are up to 56 calves now and have another 40 Cows left to calve. It is such a beautiful thing watching those cows take care of their little ones. And they all watch over the other mother's calves as they are resting or eating. It is amazing that animals that have such little intelligence seem to have such good mothering skills.

What a lovely weekend we had. I am trying to get caught up on all the blogs now. Have a great Tuesday!

Angelina Needs Help

Pic from OMG.

I really like Angelina Jolie, but have you seen her lately? She is looking very frail and in need of some nourishment. She is carrying a baby and needs to give that poor little thing some food. Her legs look as though they will break under the weight of her body. I am all for being thin and know there has to be a tremendous amount of pressure put on Celeb's to stay thin, but how thin is too thin???

Horrific Dreams..what causes them?

Image from yahoo photo's.


I have been pondering all day what causes us to have horrific dreams. Dreams that are so vivid and real that when you awaken the images are etched in your mind, as though they were so eerily real.

I had such a dream last night. The kind that makes you wake up sweating and gasping for air and it takes a few moments to get your mind working enough to know that it was just a dream..thank goodness. One that is so horribly bad that you want to forget about it and never think about it again, yet it is all you can think about. It was so terribly bad that I won't even share it, but if something like this should(God forbid) EVER happen. I will not spare any rage on the person who did it.

Why does our mind allow such bad things to come into our dreams and make us endure such pain and agony and then allow us to remember it so vividly? It is a mystery to me. I just hope I NEVER EVER EVER have another dream anything like that one.

Sorry for the ramblings, but it has weighed so heavily on my mind today I just had to share.

Pouty McPouty Pants!

You have to love a boy who is not to proud to pout! Awww.. I am such a bad mom for posting these and calling him McPouty Pants. ha. But isn't he adorable in all his poutiness?